200 years ago people ate organic, unprocessed food and didn’t have vaccines, and lived to the ripe old age of “died in childbirth”.
My family thinks short term memory loss is adorable when a fish has it in Finding Dory, but when I have it, “Guile has a drinking problem”.
I admit I’ve had some rough mornings but I’ve never woken knowing that yesterday three million people protested against me. Yet.
It’s 12:01 PM and for no explainable reason I just gagged a little and almost threw up a bit. I wonder why? [Looks at CNN] Oh…
At first it was funny, claiming you’re moving to Canada if X happens or if Y wins an election. My favourite was when the Republicans claimed they were going to move here because of Obamacare.
It’s not funny any more.
“How did we end up with this clown as President?” asks the nation still mourning for a dead gorilla six months later.
Being Canadian today feels like I’m overhearing my downstairs neighbours arguing about whether or not to set the building on fire.
I was in a cafe and needed to fart. The music was loud so I timed it to the beat of the music. Then I realized I was listening to my iPod.
Emails just aren’t safe. We should hide state secrets deep in the story parts of recipe blogs.
Fuck me, a terrorist threat in Strathroy? A disaffected, white, suburban youth building bombs and supporting ISIS? What’s next, Mike from Canmore declaring a jihad against the Oilers?
The hell is this world coming to? Used to be disaffected, white, suburban youths just bought gangsta rap albums or went to Rage Against the Machine concerts wearing Che Guevara tshirts. Then after a few years of acting like typical young assholes they grew the fuck up and became normal people. Now they want to martyr themselves on the order of extremists, because their daddy didn’t love them enough?
This is just more proof that we all need to grow the fuck up and leave this superstitious religious bullshit behind before it kills us all.