Canada is Not a Consolation Prize

Dear Americans,

At first it was funny, claiming you’re moving to Canada if X happens or if Y wins an election. My favourite was when the Republicans claimed they were going to move here because of Obamacare.

It’s not funny any more.

Like it or not, Trump won the election fair and square. Your preferred candidate losing a democratic election is not sufficient reason to be allowed to move here. For one thing, we’re still a little preoccupied settling nearly 40,000 new arrivals who fled the horror of the Syrian Civil War. People who had a real reason to leave their country. Although if you’re an LGBTQ or Muslim American, we can talk.

For another thing, grow the fuck up. You broke your damn country. Instead of being children and running away from the problem, own the problem and then fucking fix it.

Despite all the shit that Canadians collectively give to America, we do actually love you guys. You’re our big brother and we’re going to be just as upset at what happens to you in the next four years as you will be.

The only thing worse for you than having to fight the system from within, would be being stuck outside the system unable to do anything about it. Go get ’em!

Besides, we’re going to have our hands full getting rid of Kevin O’Leary.

Love, Canada.

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