Star Wars is the story of an orphaned farm boy who is radicalized after a military strike kills his family. He is indoctrinated into an ancient religion and joins a band of insurgents in a terrorist attack that kills 300,000 people.
Marriage used to be so simple. You’d meet a man, buy his daughter, and make awkward conversation until she died in childbirth. What went wrong?
When parents say to kids, “Go to your room and think about what you’ve done,” it’s really good practice for what you’ll do every night as an adult.
1995: I made you this mix tape.
2005: I made you this mix CD.
2015: Here’s a pic of my dick.
You can tell a lot about a woman by her hands. For instance, if they’re placed around your throat she’s probably slightly upset.
It’s week three of the weekly Song of the Moment experiment and I gotta tell ya, it’s not looking good.
When the inventor of the USB interface dies, they’ll lower the coffin part way, then pull it back up, turn it the other way, and lower it again. Only to find that it still doesn’t fit, pull it back up again, and turn it back the way it was the first time. This time, it’ll fit.
I’m getting sick and fucking tired of the number of women who bash on men (especially white men, naturally) and categorize all of us as misogynistic woman-haters. What, you see a handful of assholes on the internet and immediately slap a label on anybody wearing a penis? (Answer: Yes, that’s exactly what you’re doing.)
- Take a big bowl of eggnog
- Pour it down the sink
- Drink a beer