The Wizard of Oz: Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first person she meets and then teams up with three strangers to kill again.
When Miley Cyrus gets naked and licks a sledgehammer, it’s “art” and “music”. But when I do it, I’m “wasted” and “have to leave Home Depot”.
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
Alcohol is the leading cause of me getting yelled at for being a pterodactyl on the coffee table.
I don’t get drunk, I just get less classy and more fun.
Being against gay marriage is like being mad that someone else had pizza for dinner when you prefer hamburgers.
Hey folks, just a note that The Great Modron March has been updated with Chapter III: Ambushed!
I just spent the last 8 hours working on website design proposals for two women: one runs a hair salon, the other sells organic cosmetics.
I need to watch a hockey game or a Michael Bay movie or something.
This year’s Halloween drinking game is simple: drink every time an Elsa visits your house.
Shouldn’t take more than 20 minutes before you’re done.