He Told Me He Loves Me But We're Not Dating - How To Respond?

August 1, 2025

6 minutes read

When he told me he loves me but we're not dating, it can leave you feeling like your emotions did a double backflip. That kind of statement muddies the waters and stirs up hope, doubt and vulnerability. You might wonder if he truly means it or if it’s a sweet way of expressing affection without signing any emotional contract.

Understanding the Situation When He Told Me He Loves Me but We're Not Dating

Expressing love without the usual dating script can show emotional openness or a laid-back kind of affection. It’s worth pausing to think about why he picked those words and what he’s hoping to get across.

He is showing affection but isn’t quite ready to put a ring on it, so to speak.
He might be testing the waters, trying to gauge where you’re at without making any bold moves.
He could be leaning on you for emotional support without signing up for all the exclusive perks.
Any confusion about the relationship likely stems from crossed wires or fuzzy boundaries that haven’t been properly sorted out yet.
His take on what "love" means might not match up perfectly with yours—sometimes expectations just don’t line up, and that’s okay.

Recognizing Your Own Emotions and Figuring Out What You Really Want in a Relationship

Before you jump in and respond to his confession take a little breather and really sort through your feelings. Think about what you truly want from this connection—no need to rush. Reflecting on your emotions and picturing where you might want things to head will not only help you speak your mind with honesty but also set some clear, healthy boundaries.

Take a little time to really sit with your true feelings about him and the whole situation—no rushing needed.

Get clear on what kind of relationship you’re after whether it’s something casual, exclusive or simply no strings attached.

Reflect on your own boundaries when it comes to emotional availability and commitment—it’s okay to put yourself first here.

Ask yourself if you’re ready and willing to respond or take the next step. No pressure if you’re not there yet.

Decide how you want to share your feelings and set clear expectations so everyone’s on the same page.

How to Respond When He Says He Loves You but You are Not Officially Together (Because, Yeah, That’s a Bit of a Head-Scratcher)

Replying to a statement like that really calls for a delicate balance. You’ve got to be honest with yourself and show some empathy for his feelings while keeping your own emotional boundaries intact.

Take a moment to pause and really gather your thoughts before you jump in with a response.

Don’t hesitate to ask questions to get a clearer understanding of his feelings and intentions.

Be upfront and honest about what you’re feeling, whether you’re on the same page or worlds apart.

Make sure to firmly set or double-check your boundaries because your emotional health is worth protecting like treasure.

Have an open chat about what you both expect moving forward. Figuring out the next steps together makes the journey a lot smoother.

Sample Responses That Actually Hit the Mark

"Thank you for being upfront with me. I need a little time to untangle my feelings about us."
"Can you help me get a better sense of what love means to you in all of this? I’m trying to wrap my head around it."
"I’m feeling a bit lost since we haven’t really put a label on what this is. Maybe we should chat more and clear the air."
"I care about you a lot, but I’d feel better if we both knew exactly where we stand before taking another step."
"I really appreciate you opening up. I think it’s smartest if we take things slow and just see how this story unfolds."

A woman thoughtfully reflecting on her feelings after hearing a confusing love confession.

Common Challenges and Clever Ways to Dodge Misunderstandings

This murky stage can easily lead to misunderstandings and those painful assumptions that sneak in and cloud your judgment.

Jumping to conclusions about what he means based solely on his words, while completely ignoring what his actions might be saying.
Letting your own boundaries slip away in the hope that it will make the connection stronger, even though it rarely works out that way.
Acting on impulse, driven by that nagging fear of missing out or a swirl of emotional stress that clouds good judgment.
Taking kind or affectionate words at face value and mistaking them for a clear commitment or well-defined relationship.
Selling yourself short by putting up with unclear or inconsistent communication, when deep down you know you deserve better.

When It Might Be Time to Take a Step Back, Rethink the Relationship, and Figure Out What’s Next

A situation can start to feel a bit off—unhealthy or out of whack—pushing you toward some tough calls to protect your emotional wellbeing.

Keep an eye on whether his words and actions actually walk the talk over time—consistency is key.

Notice if he’s emotionally open or more the type to dodge those deeper, heart-to-heart moments.

Pay attention to whether he genuinely respects your boundaries or if he tends to lean on emotional pressure a bit too much.

Stay alert for any sneaky manipulative moves or guilt trips that might cloud your judgment—it’s surprising how subtle those can be.

Take a good, honest look at whether your relationship goals and values are really in sync or if they’re pulling in different directions—that matters more than you might think.

Tips for Setting Clear Communication and Expectations Early On because getting on the same page from the get-go can save a world of headaches later

When 'he told me he loves me but we're not dating', being clear about communication and boundaries from the start usually helps sidestep a lot of confusion. Having upfront chats about intentions, relationship status and feelings often lays down a solid foundation of mutual understanding and respect.

Talk openly about what love and commitment truly mean to each of you. It’s surprising how often those definitions don’t line up.
Decide early whether your connection is exclusive, casual or open because clarity upfront can save a lot of head-scratching later.
Be honest about your future relationship goals to avoid awkward mix-ups nobody enjoys.
Check in regularly to revisit and tweak your shared boundaries and expectations. Relationships aren’t set-it-and-forget-it deals.
Respect the boundaries you both agree on since it’s the secret sauce for building trust and keeping things emotionally safe and sound.